Ewa's Crack Fic Corner

Mat whispered in Gregor's ear 😊. "If you ever touch my daughter with those puny bartender hands, I'll mount you on my fireplace and plant evidence you are a Neo Estratan spy mastermind causing disarray with your gossip columns."

"You can't stop true love General! You don't know anything about love if you'd divorce a baddie like your wife!" said Gregor as he ran away.

Mat grabbed Gregor by his collar. "Would you still love Avril if she slaughtered millions and forced you to do it?!! WOULD YOU?!!!" yelled Mat, red with anger and holding back tears.

Gregor struggled in the air and muttered. "D-Depends on the circumstances..."

Gregor was dropped to the floor. He caught his breath as Mat fell to the floor.

"Would you still be friends with my dad if he ever hurt Avril?" said Gregor with a sly grin.

Gregor dropped a handwritten note from Reinier's archives that made Mat vomit from its disturbing contents.

"He made me hate you to keep me from noticing he was the one who made my daughter spiral into despair!!!" said the general in a quiet tone of realization as he opened his tablet with a screensaver of him and Reinier hugging each other.

Mat grabbed Gregor, crying. "I hated you because you reminded me of myself with Trice!!!"

"It's okay, father-in-law. Everyone seems to hate me at first," said Gregor in a sad tone.

An eerie clapping occurred as Avril and Betrice appeared with prison guards.

"Very touching scene. Too bad the only one who will give love to Avril is me!" said Betrice as she planted a small smooch on Avril's lips.

Mat and Gregor were sent to Avril's dungeon. Reinier was placed in the same cell as Mat and Gregor, and they smacked him.

"YOU'RE THE REASON SHE HAS TROUBLE WITH AUTHORITY!!!" yelled Mat.

"MisOGYNISTIcMaNWHORELOVE STEaLER!!!" yelled Gregor, throwing his lanky self onto his father.

p>Avril hid in Reinier's room under the blankets while Mat entered to chat with his buddy.

"Ohohoho," chuckled Mat. "I see what's going on here… You want to play hide and seek with me, Reinier!"

Mat closed his eyes. "You made a mistake because you use the same body fragrance Avril does. And I got the nose of a Doberman," muttered Mat gleefully to himself as he began counting in the corner.

Avril peeked out from the blanket and realized her clothes had all been tossed into the corner of the room—the same corner Mat was counting in. Reinier had always enjoyed watching her bend down to retrieve her clothes. Now she had only thirty seconds to do that before Mat uncovered his eyes. 👀

"20… 19…" Mat slowly counted as Avril tried to hide her presence mere centimeters away from her father. She slowly reached toward her trademark outfit and, just as she grabbed it—

"54321!!!!" Mat blurted out as he turned around and came face to face with his daughter, bare and red as a tomato.

Avril muttered and blanked out.

Mat's hand closed into a fist. "I see what the bastard albino did to you…" growled Mat in rage as he shook with quiet fury. "GREGOR!!! WHY DID YOU TRICK MY DAUGHTER INTO SLEEPING WITH YOU?!" Mat yelled as he ran into Gregor's room, where he was meeting with the Falconettes.

"So, about the emails I sent out for the global privacy initiative and yearly beach meetup—" said Gregor as the Falconettes giggled.

Mat broke down the door as the Falconettes shrieked in unison. He threw up at the sight of Gregor with a group of women in his room. "How dare you use my daughter for your sick, perverse ways! Then use all these innocent women!!!" Mat pointed to the Falconettes, who were all wearing bikinis and ready for the beach party.

Reinier fell out of Gregor's closet with a camera.

"Good work documenting your sick son's behavior," said Mat.

Reinier groaned and nodded.

The Falconettes screamed and all attacked Reinier, breaking both the camera and his back.

Gregor tried to use the chaos to escape as Mat stared him down with a death glare.

"A-April was in my old man's bed and you blame me?!!!!" said Gregor in a fearful tone.

Mat grasped Gregor by the neck. "I knew you were going to be the cause of our family falling apart the day I saw you play with my Avril at the playground and shove sand in her pants, Gregor!!!"

The Falconettes all swarmed onto Mat, stunning him momentarily with cans of spray paint.

Gregor used the opportunity to run toward his father's room and caught a glimpse of Avril, who was still slowly putting on her clothes in front of the mirror and staring at herself.

"April!" Gregor glanced down at her red lingerie and then refocused. "Y-You're going to tell your pops you're borking my old man!"

Avril slowly walked toward him and gently rubbed herself against him. "It's more fun when I blame you for my problems…" she said in a flirty French accent.

Gregor collapsed and turned pure red in elation.

Avril peeked out of Reinier's room and heard screaming and yelling, with a giant cloud of paint drifting out of Gregor's room. She looked back at the unconscious Gregor, smiling in joy and covered in splatters of red spray. A face she had once seen on his father long ago. And splotches of red that reminded her of the innocence taken from her…

"An Eichten is an Eichten…" sighed Avril as she knelt next to Gregor and kissed him.

Gregor moaned. "April tastes… like…"

"Flowers?" smiled Avril. :3

"My dad's cock…" giggled the unconscious Gregor.

"And what does that smell like?"

"Flowers…" Gregor sobbed unconsciously. "Because of my April's flowers…" he said, sticking out his tongue and letting his head drop dramatically.

p>Gregor used AI to write a song about Avril. "Are you a worm? Or a beautiful moth of the night?"

"I take that as an offence."

"I-It's because no music I make can express the feelings I have for you…" said Gregor bashfully.

Drago showed up and played Avril a guitar song he had written for her as she squealed.

Irina placed her metal hand on Gregor's shoulder. "He does that often…"

Gregor sniffed and asked Irina to play a Cyberpunk Role Playing session. Gregor and Irina vented their feelings into the campaign as Reinier leered at his son playing games with a FEMALE.

"Maybe if you played with us, Mr. Eichten, you'd actually enjoy it?" said Irina as she offered him a seat.

Reinier stared at Irina in a revealing tank top and sighed. "Fine…"

Reinier created a sultry ninja babe character that was suspiciously similar in appearance to Klara, named Koyunavril.

"Koyunavril… is a nice name…" said Irina with a fake smile.

Reinier got a bad roll as Koyunavril got sick, needing to go to the Cyberpunk hospital room. Reinier began to break down in the middle of the game and vented about Klara being sickly to his fellow players as Irina and Gregor looked at each other, weirded out.

"A-Avril and me used to roleplay t-together…" sobbed Reinier.

"Okay, didn't need to know that you sex pest…" growled Irina in silent rage.

"YOU ALWAYS DO THIS AROUND MY FRIENDS, DAD!!!" yelled Gregor as he ran into his room.

The world around Gregor wobbled and dissolved.

"Control your women, General!" Reinier and Oyun made out with each other next to him and did kissy faces. 😘

"You ruined our RP session, Ewa, with your dumb rules!!!" Betrice grabbed Ewa's hair.

"Maybe if you didn't go murderhobo on us again, we could actually have fun!!!" screeched Ewa.

"I'm that guy!" laughed Gregor as he staggered and collapsed right into Ewa's lap. They locked eyes and fell in love.

"You're a handsome guy…" giggled Ewa.

"Want to join the Falconettes?" said Gregor with a smile.

"What are the requirements to become a member?" said Ewa as she pressed herself against Gregor's lanky frame.

"Loving me…" said Gregor as he kissed Ewa.

Ewa's phone rang.

"Hi Drago!" she said excitedly. "I'm a bit tied up right now…"

Ewa hung up and continued kissing Gregor.

"Gregor, wake up!!!" said a voice. "WAKE UP!!!"

Gregor was awakened by Tiger in his bar as the Falconettes arrived.

"Sir?" yawned Gregor.

"You drank the Hawaiian Punch, didn't you?" sighed Tiger.

"I don't have a problem…" muttered Gregor to himself. "How does that Deban manage to make songs that woo Avril while under the influence while I can't?!!!" screamed Gregor as the Falconettes giggled.

"Everyone knows he uses that boy toy of his, Lanre, to get inspiration," said the Leader of the Falconettes.

"Drago does know how to write good songs. I would know…" said Tiger, thinking back to a fake date with Drago that involved him playing music.

"Maybe your talents are elsewhere?" bemused Tiger, pointing at all the Falconettes holding spray cans.

"Maybe you're right, Sir…" said Gregor as he placed his hand on Tiger's shoulder, and they got to work on a giant mural of Avril with devil horns.